


deeds of green thrilling light

by summerofspock



Series: why must itself up every of a park (the ee cummings cycle) [7]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:57:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6518200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerofspock/pseuds/summerofspock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim's perspective on Spock's pon farr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	deeds of green thrilling light

Jim is alone. Around him is a blackness that seems to shift with every breath. It suffocates and terrifies him. Suddenly a light flickers in the distance. Jim cannot tell how far away it is but it’s brightness sings his name so he turns to chase after it. Suddenly, the light disappears like the flame of a candle being blown out by a sigh, quick sputter before absolute darkness…

Jim’s eyes open and his face feels wet. He takes a deep breath and stares at his ceiling. Spock is sick. Jim knows this. He can feel it every time he confronts the vulcan about his behavior. Why won’t the idiot confide in him? After everything they’ve been through, Jim thought he was a trusted.  _You don’t deserve his trust._

The voice intrudes on Jim’s thoughts, loud and ugly and honest. The memory of Spock’s face when Jim had pushed him away on the bridge haunts him. The way his expression had turned inward, the warm liquid of his eyes hardening like ice against Jim’s harsh words. It makes Jim’s stomach hurt. But it had been for the best. Spock could never know the turn of Jim’s feelings. He could just imagine Spock’s reaction to the very idea.

 _Vulcans do not participate in romantic idealogy. After the cessation of my relationship with Nyota, I thought you would realize that, Captain. Our species are not suited for one another. If you cannot control your distasteful ‘feelings’, I will of course submit a request for transfer._  
Just imagining it makes Jim’s chest ache. as long as Spock stays with him. He can handle whatever stupid pain he feels as long as Spock is still on the Enterprise, still safe, still at his side.  
But he isn’t safe anymore. Bones’s warnings echo in his head.  
I don’t know what’s wrong with Spock, Jim, but he’s headed down a dark road. He’ll be dead within a week at this rate.

Within a week. Jim feels even worse. Why won’t the stupid bastard listen? Let him help. All Jim wants to do is help. Nevermind that helping would involve more sex. Sex with spock. And from the sound of it, pretty rough sex. He shouldn’t feel this way; his friend is sick. He looks over at the bathroom door, a symbol of the space that separates them.

Before he even makes the decision, Jim is on his feet and through the door. The dim automatic lights in the bathroom make his vision blurry, but he pushes on, a strange feeling in his stomach like a pull, inexplicable and strong. He feels fevered, smudged at the edges. He tells himself he shouldn’t do this but his hand grasps at the lock on the opposite door, the door that leads into Spock’s quarters.

The soft snick of the door opening is accompanied by a wave of dry heat, the scent of cinnamon and salt. Jim hears a soft murmur and his eyes are drawn to the sound immediately. It’s Spock, shirtless against the rich red of his bed, eyes closed and muscles straining. He looks pained. The pull grows stronger and Jim crosses the room to lay a hand against Spock’s flushed cheek, golden peach against subtle green. The moment their skin makes contact two things happen, first, Spock’s eyes snap open and he flips them over, pushing Jim into the mattress with a low growl. Second, the sense of urgency dissipates into euphoria as their bodies come together. With sudden clarity, Jim thinks he may have made a mistake as the euphoria becomes something closer to fear. At some point, Spock has grabbed his wrists, his skin feels like fire and Jim cannot help the little groan of distress that leaks from his throat.

It’s clear to Jim that Spock, even with his eyes open, is too far gone to see him, to know who he currently has pinned to his bed. He’s certain that if Spock knew, he’d throw him across the room in disgust, but when Spock grinds their hips together Jim forgets all of his doubts and remembers how good they were together. So good.

Spock releases Jim’s wrist and spans his hands across Jim’s chest before leaning down and nuzzling into his throat. “Spock?” Jim asks, suddenly at a loss. He’d been ready for a rough fuck. He had imagined it. Hell, he had been turned on by the idea. He is completely unprepared for the way Spock kisses down his throat with something like affection. The hands that had been appreciatively rubbing his nipples, slide down his torso and tug at the hem of Jim’s black undershirt. Struggling to sit up, Spock catches him between the shoulder blades and holds him partially aloft with one hand as he pulls the shirt over Jim’s head with the other.

Spock pauses once Jim is resettled against his bed, his eyes raking over the skin he has just exposed. His gaze is so heated that Jim can feel it scorching his skin. Desperate to have those eyes directed elsewhere, Jim reaches up and yanks Spock’s down to kiss him. As their lips touch, Jim realizes this is the first time they’ve kissed in weeks and oh god, how he had missed it. The slight scratch of Spock’s stubble against his chin, the firm press of his hand against Jim’s cheek, like he was delicate, precious. And then Jim gasps and Spock takes advantage of his parted lips with the press of his tongue between them. He tastes even better than Jim remembers, like hot metal and spice. He feels surrounded. He feels treasured.

Spock is the one to break the kiss and Jim moans of disappointment turn to pleasure when his mouth trails over his torso, kissing his chest and tweaking his sensitive nipples with his hands. Jim grabs at one of Spock’s hands and drags it to his mouth to suck on his index finger. Spock hisses in surprise but doesn’t pull away, simply continues his journey down Jim’s body. It’s so different than Jim expected.

Then Spock retrieves his fingers from Jim’s mouth and runs them under the elastic waistband of Jim’s pants, leaving a trail of Jim’s saliva across his hipbone. He palms Jim’s erection through the thin cotton and Jim’s hips press up into his hand, desperate for more. When Spock finally divests him of his pajamas, he murmurs something in Vulcan and even though Jim never bothered to learn the language, the reverence in Spock’s voice makes it seem like a declaration.

Jim watches with heavy-lidded eyes as Spock’s tongue swipes over the head of his cock like nothing in the world pleases him more than the taste of Jim’s precome. He hums as he envelops the head in his hot mouth, swallowing as more fluid spills onto his tongue. Spock trails the tips of his fingers down Jim’s thighs, gripping his knees before swinging them over his shoulders.

Jim suddenly realizes why every girl he’s ever gone down on watches while he’s between their legs. He’s never seen anything more erotic than the black cap of Spock’s hair as he dips his mouth beneath Jim’s shaft, licking a hot stripe from the edge of his anus to his balls. Jim gasps and then, even though he can’t see Spock’s face, he can feel him grinning.

His suspicions are confirmed after a few more precisely placed licks when Spock moves up his body to bite at his hipbones. The look on Spock’s face is something Jim never expected to see. It looks like joy. And suddenly Jim realizes Spock might not have even understood what “loss of control” would mean in this context. Looking at Spock makes Jim’s heart clench so he closes his eyes and loses himself to the sensations.

He will not allow himself to want.

\--

When Spock kicks him out, it becomes clear he has no memory of the events that passed between them. The long melds, the outpour of feelings. Jim thinks it might be better that way. If Spock is disgusted by the prospect of being bonded to him, then Jim doesn’t want to imagine his reaction if Jim mentioned the words he’d whispered in the hollow of Jim’s neck when he came.

_I cherish you. I love you. Jim, my t’hy’la._

He smiles slightly at the memory. There must be some meaning behind Spock’s behavior with his control was surrendered to the throes of pon farr. His smile grows wider. He can win this. If he can convince Spock to give him another chance. How hard can that be?

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'i have found what you are like' by ee cummings
> 
> i have found what you are like  
> the rain,  
> (Who feathers frightened fields  
> with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields  
> easily the pale club of the wind  
> and swirled justly souls of flower strike  
> the air in utterable coolness  
> deeds of green thrilling light  
> with thinned  
> newfragile yellows  
> lurch and.press  
> -in the woods  
> which  
> stutter  
> and  
> sing  
> And the coolness of your smile is  
> stirringofbirds between my arms;but  
> i should rather than anything  
> have(almost when hugeness will shut  
> quietly)almost,  
> your kiss


End file.
